I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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