dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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