I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
