He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
