Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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