okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
