then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize