When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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