I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
