I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
