Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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