Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize