I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
