My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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