Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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