in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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