paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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