you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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