Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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