This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize