we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
