we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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