I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
