my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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