Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
