And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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