Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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