so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
