She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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