I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
