he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
