Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
