no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
