The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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