I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
