Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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