shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
