K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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