Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
