What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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