I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
