dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
