Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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