dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
