i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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