just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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