Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
