to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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