Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
