i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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