Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
