Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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