I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
