so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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