cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
