1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
