What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
