Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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