I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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