I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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