It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
